Comment

Comment by Asbo Mick on June 25, 2013 at 9:17am

Notes For The Milkman

(back in the good old days!)

These are actual notes left for the Milkman

"Dear Milkman,
I've just had a baby, please leave another one."

"Please leave an extra pint of paralyzed milk."

"Please don't leave any more milk.
All they do is drink it."

"Sorry not to have paid your bill before,
but my wife had a baby, and I've been carrying it
around in my pocket for weeks."

"Sorry about yesterday's note.
 I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints,
but the other way 'round."

"When you leave my milk, knock on my bedroom
 window and wake me because
I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress."

"Please knock. My TV's broken down, and I missed
last night's SOPRANOS.
If you saw it, will you tell me what happened?"

"My daughter says she wants a milkshake.
Do you do it before you
deliver, or do I have to shake the bottle?"

"Please send me a form for cheap milk,
for I have a baby two months old and
did not know about it until a neighbor told me."

"Milk is needed for the baby.
Father is unable to supply it."

"From now on please leave two pints every other day and
one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays
and Saturdays when I don't want any milk."

"My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge,
get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on
kitchen table, because we want to play
bingo tonight."

"Please leave no milk today. When I say today,
 I mean tomorrow, for I
wrote this note yesterday...or is it today ?"

"When you come with the milk please put the coal on the boiler,
let dog out, and put newspaper inside the screen door.
P.S. Don't leave any milk."

"No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either
 as he is dead until further notice."

Comment by Asbo Mick on June 24, 2013 at 9:30pm

Moonshine

"Old Jetro's next door's a-makin' moonshine again", the wife told her husband.

"How can you tell ?", he asked. "Did you smell it?"

"Nope. But a bunch of mice from over to his place came over here this morning and beat the tarnation outta our cats."

Comment by Asbo Mick on June 24, 2013 at 7:22pm

Comment by Asbo Mick on June 24, 2013 at 9:26am

Comment by Asbo Mick on June 24, 2013 at 9:26am

Comment by Asbo Mick on June 24, 2013 at 9:25am

Comment by Asbo Mick on June 24, 2013 at 9:18am

• A middle-aged woman seemed timid as she visited her gynaecologist.
  
  "Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years!
  There's nothing you can't tell me."
  
  "This one's kind of strange..." said the woman.
  
  "Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied.
  
  "Well," said the woman, "Yesterday I went to thebathroom in the morning and I heard a plink-plink in the toilet. When I looked
  down, the water was full of pennies."
  
  "Mmmm, I see." said the, doctor.
  
  "That afternoon I went again and there were nickels in the bowl."
  
  "Uh-huh." the doctor said as he got more and more interested in her story.
  
  "That night," she went on, "there were dimes and this morning there were quarters! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!"
  she implored. "I'm scared out of my wits!"
  
  The gynaecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There is nothing to be frightenedabout. You're simply going through the change."

  

Comment by Asbo Mick on June 24, 2013 at 9:10am

To all my friends, who are, or close to this age.


At the root of every gray hair, there is a dead brain cell.
Someone had to remind me,
So I'm reminding you, too.
Don't laugh....It is all true!

Perks of reaching 50
Or being over 60
And heading towards
70 or beyond!

1.
Kidnappers are not very
interested in you.

2.
In a hostage situation,
you are likely to be released first.

3.
No one expects you to run --
anywhere.

4.
People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask,
'Did I wake you?'

5.
People no longer view you as a
hypochondriac.

6.
There is nothing left
to learn the hard way.

7.
Things you buy now will
never wear out.

8.
You can eat
supper at 4 PM.

9.
You can live without sex
but not your glasses.

10.
You get into heated arguments
about pension plans.

11.
You no longer think of speed limits
as a challenge.

12.
You quit trying to hold
your stomach in no matter who walks
into the room.

13.
You sing along
with elevator music.

14.
Your eyes won't get
much worse.

15.
Your investment in health insurance
is finally beginning to pay off.

16.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists
than the national weather service.

17.
Your secrets are safe with your friends
because they can't remember them either.

18.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to
a manageable size.

19.
You can't remember
who sent you this list.

And you notice these are all
in big print
for your convenience.

Forward this to everyone
You can remember
Right now!

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING:

Never, NEVER,NEVER ,
Under any circumstances,
Take a sleeping pill, and a laxative on
The same night!

Comment by Asbo Mick on June 24, 2013 at 8:47am

Anti pervert hairy stockings for women are huge available in china!!!

Comment by Asbo Mick on June 24, 2013 at 8:37am

Thank Wildplum you for your profound and thought provoking images

Please tell you Friends about this Group Cheers (*Y*)

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